140913 – A Hard Knock Life

There are times where I really question wether I’ll even be able to make it into this industry I desperately want to be part of. Maybe it’s just cold feet because I really don’t know what to expect out of the course I chose to take at university, or because sometimes I feel like I really made the wrong choice, and now I don’t really feel like I can go back. 
In an industry that is so exclusive I don’t even understand how an introvert like myself will ever be able to truly succeed. It’s not like I’m going into this to provide the fashion world with new designs, I’m no Alexander Wang or Christian Siriano. Trust me the last thing I know how to do is draw, let alone make a t-shirt. I’m the type of person that loves to panic about things that haven’t even happened. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but by the time I was 10 years old, I already knew exactly what I wanted to study at university, now that it’s literally a day away I am panicking about what will happen to me once I’ve finished it. Not only that but will I even be able to get a placement during my sandwich year. And what if by the end of all this, it goes smoothly but I still won’t have a guaranteed career. Yes I know it’s years away but sitting around and waiting for it to then think about it is a waste.
 The period I spent wondering if I would even get the grades required to get into university, I felt so lost because there might have been a possibility that all the stuff I had planned and set up for myself years before could have gone to a halt or worse and just not happen at all. I hate not knowing what to do next, and it really scares me. 
How on earth will I, the girl who’s family is mainly inclined into maritime, military or oil (not in the millionaire standards, I wish lol)  turn that into fashion. This industry that honestly the only way I can seem to put it into one word is ‘incest’ but not in the creepy sexual form, but like an industry where it’s simply about who you know. I know no one! I can’t even get someone to reply to me when I’m offering myself to help out with events for free. 
Perhaps I just need to be more optimistic and trust myself and my work ethic to pay off, but with a personality like mine, it’s really not the easiest. I just hope the future isn’t as terrifying as I’m making it out to be in my head. But off to more positive thinking I go, like in the words of an awesome blogger “negativity isn’t cute!
X
Ruth

photos via tumblr. 

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